It sounds like you could benefit from a conversation with your mother about your concerns.
You can tell her you’d like to feel closer to her, but are getting the sense your attention is less welcome. You can explain that you want to feel connected to her, even if the bond has to be siloed from others.
If you start with your hopes for the relationship (instead of debating the actions of your stepmother), maybe you’ll get somewhere. You could suggest a monthly dinner date (or FaceTime) where it’s just date the two of you.
I have a zillion questions here – about the inciting incidents, the apologies (or lack thereof), how your step-mom was involved, and why your ex wants your family so involved in her life, etc.
Mostly I wonder how your mom actually feels about the past. Perhaps she can shed light on whether she still has concerns, anger, worry, etc. Again, I’m guessing. The conflict here is quite a mystery.
I could say plenty about a about a step-mother who doesn’t encourage her spouse to see her own grown kid, but for now, I’ll focus on your mom – and you can, too. If you make this about the preservation of one relationship, it might seem more manageable.
At the very least, you might get more answers.
– Meredith
Readers? Would you have a conversation with your mom, or back away and see if she initiates connection?
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