Congratulations on 35 years of happiness.
I imagine it took a lot of work to get where you are now.
Before you object to the word “work,” please know: there is no way that 35 years of joy haven’t involved growth, communication, and lessons. Maybe it’s been fun to evolve together, but it has still required effort.
Even if that effort felt effortless.
That’s my first piece of advice – to acknowledge that you’ve had to show up for each other and deliver. Other people may have a harder time with that, especially if they have different communication styles or mindsets about the value of romantic relationships.
If friends ask the two of you for help, you can start by listening. Ask questions about how these friends are doing, and what they want for their futures. Don’t offer unsolicited comparisons. If the state of your union comes up, you can always say, “It’s easy for us. But we know it can be more complicated, and we care about you and want to understand.”
You can also explain that relationship maintenance comes easy to some. For others, it can be a bigger task – like going to the gym when you’re sore. It can feel hard and uncomfortable, but there are great results on the other side.
One last thought: “struggle” is different than “work.” All relationships take work, but “struggling” suggests a more complicated problem. If someone uses that word, ask them to elaborate with specifics.
– Meredith
Readers? For all the talk we do about relationships being hard work, can they also be … sort of easy? How hard should any relationship be to maintain How do you talk about your happiness with friends who may be less pleased with their romantic relationships?
Send your own anonymous letter to the form here. I’m reading. Or … call 617-929-2123.
