There are many ways to grieve. In Massachusetts, people who have lost loved ones take a weekly walk. They say strolling in a park is the perfect casual setting for sharing their feelings.
SCOTT SIMON, HOST:
There is no one way to grieve, according to scientists who study loss. For some, the answer is talking about what they’re going through with others who are grieving. Nancy Eve Cohen recently met with a bereavement group where members don’t just talk. They walk.
(CROSSTALK)
NANCY EVE COHEN, BYLINE: Nearly two dozen people, some carrying walking sticks, gather near a park bench in Northampton, Massachusetts. Bereavement counselor Shelly Bathe Lenn reminds them, this is a judgment-free zone.
SHELLY BATHE LENN: Give everybody a safe space to feel grief, whatever that looks like and sounds like.
COHEN: Lenn is with Cooley Dickinson Hospital.
LENN: It’s not an exercise group, even though we’re outside moving our bodies. Slow down for the people behind.
Sound good?
UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #1: Yeah.
COHEN: People break into twos and threes, walking beneath the trees.
(SOUNDBITE OF LEASH RATTLING)
COHEN: Conversations range from what to do with a late husband’s books to holding onto his clothes.
(SOUNDBITE OF FOOTSTEPS)
HELENA DONOVAN: This summer, I was wearing Lou’s gardening hat…
UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #2: Yep.
DONOVAN: …Which I realize looks really silly on me, but I didn’t care.
(CROSSTALK)
COHEN: Helena Donovan’s (ph) husband died 2 1/2 years ago. She says walking lifts her mood.
DONOVAN: The movement is really good for me, because after my husband died, I was doing way too much sitting around. And this gets me up and gets me moving, and I always feel better when I move.
COHEN: As they walk, conversations deepen and flow. Up ahead, three women and a dog keep pace. Elaine Beaudoin (ph) says walking side by side, rather than sitting eye to eye, helps people talk. Today, she’s grappling with what’s next.
ELAINE BEAUDOIN: The first year, you’re in the throes of it all, but the second year is, well, this is my life now. What am I going to do with it? Do I move forward? Do I just sit here? The quietness is getting pretty loud in the house (laughter). The quietness…
COHEN: There’s the loud quiet and the empty space.
ROGER BROWN: I wake up in the morning and, you know, I reach over, and she’s not there.
COHEN: That’s Roger Brown (ph), remembering his wife, Jeanne (ph). Many walk together every week, some for years. The passing of time is a big topic. For Jill Mendez (ph), it’s been nearly four years without her partner, Patrick (ph).
JILL MENDEZ: The grief is now more of a yearning.
MAUREEN CAHILLANE: It never goes away.
MENDEZ: Yeah.
MENDEZ: It’s always with you. It becomes part of your anatomy, almost.
COHEN: Mendez is speaking with Maureen Cahillane (ph), who’s 90. She’s walking with a cane. Her husband, James (ph), died about two years ago.
CAHILLANE: There’s times when you’re alone, always alone. It’s kind of empty. This group is quite a bit of a help. I don’t know why but…
MENDEZ: Just to know…
CAHILLANE: …Just to know that other people are dealing with the same sadness.
COHEN: They wend their way around the park. Joel Walker (ph), whose wife, Deborah (ph), died in January, notes it’s nice when the group walks on a warm day.
JOEL WALKER: And the breeze is blowing through, and it’s feeling good. But if we get into winter, I don’t know how that will be.
COHEN: The group will get into winter. They walk in this Massachusetts park year-round. Seeing the seasons change is healing for some.
DIANA: Being outside, it distracts your mind. Sometimes we are so focused on our pain. But when you are outside, you’re walking, it kind of helps.
COHEN: That’s Diana (ph), who asked that we only use her middle name because many in her community don’t know she’s grieving. She says walking one-on-one, the conversations can go deep. Her husband, Philip (ph), used to be the person she walked with. He died last December.
DIANA: It’s a therapy, but it’s also hard because I can no longer walk with him.
COHEN: So now she walks with others who are grieving. Moving and talking makes it easier to open up and feel understood.
For NPR News, I’m Nancy Eve Cohen in western Massachusetts.
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