The best jokes from Conan O’Brien’s monologue

Entertainment

Conan O’Brien returned to host the Oscars for a second straight year, poking fun at Netflix, Timothee Chalamet, and most of all, himself.

Hosting the Academy Awards for a second consecutive year, Conan O’Brien was his characteristic self at the 2026 Oscars: Awkward, high-energy, self-effacing, and hilarious.

The Brookline native put his stamp on the ceremony with a commitment to high-concept stage banter and several pre-taped sketches, including a humorous show opener in which O’Brien was dressed as another deathly pale redhead: Aunt Gladys from “Weapons.”

In his opening monologue, O’Brien’s jokes ranged from the topical to the oddball. He lobbed a joke at Timothee Chalamet ripped from the headlines, and then made a joke about a sequel to “F1” called “CAPS LOCK.”

“Some of these I do for myself,” O’Brien admitted.

Some of O’Brien’s best jokes were visual segments. In one, he imagined what the Oscars will be like when they begin airing exclusively on YouTube in 2029, only to be interrupted by invasive advertisements starring Jane Lynch.

In another, O’Brien introduced a fake company, Ventura Crossroads, that helps Gen Z and Gen Alpha watch movies on their phones.

O’Brien occasionally leaned on guest collaborators as well, including longtime Oscars host and fellow late-night veteran Jimmy Kimmel.

Presenting the Best Documentary Feature and Short categories, Kimmel tossed in a few politically charged jokes while O’Brien was offstage.

After sniping at the Melania Trump documentary for not getting nominated, Kimmel took aim at CBS.

“We hear a lot about courage at shows like this, but telling a story that could you killed for telling it is real courage,” Kimmel said, referring to the nominated docs. “As you know, there are some countries whose leaders don’t support free speech. I’m not at liberty to say which. Let’s just leave it at North Korea and CBS.”

Here are the best jokes and stinging one-liners from Conan O’Brien’s 2026 Oscars monologue.

— “I’m Conan O’Brien and I’m honored to be the last human host of the Academy Awards. Next year it’s gonna be a Waymo in a tux.”

— “Tonight could get political. And if that makes you uncomfortable, there’s an alternate Osacrs hosted by Kid Rock. It’s at the Dave and Buster’s down the street.”

— “Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos is here. And this is exciting: It’s his first time in a theater!”

— “Between ‘Hamnet’ and ‘Bugonia’ it’s been a big year for movies that sound like off-brand lunch meat.”

— “In ‘Hamnet,’ William Shakespeare’s wife Agnes gives birth by herself in the woods. Or as we call that here in America, affordable healthcare.”

— “’Sinners’ director Ryan Coogler said he declined to become a voting member of the Academy because he doesn’t like judging his fellow artists’ work. But the rest of you pricks seem to love it.”

— “Lots of memorable scenes from ‘One Battle After Another.’ Best Supporting Actor nominee Sean Penn, of course, got an erection at gunpoint. And then director Paul Thomas Anderson said, ‘Hey, let’s put that in the film!’”

— “Amazon Studios didn’t receive any nominations this year. Also shut out: Wal-Mart, Alibaba and Chewy. Why isn’t the website I order toilet paper from wining more Oscars?”

— “It’s the first time since 2012 that there are no British actors nominated for Best Actor or Best Actress. A British spokesperson said, ‘Yeah, well at least we arrest our pedophiles.’”

Watch Conan O’Brien’s Oscars 2026 opening monologue: